Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
