Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Success! We fucked roommates!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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