last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
