kristin has been a bad kristin
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
