Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
