We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
