I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
