Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
