Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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