normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
