i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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