A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
