What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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