He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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