when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
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