the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
