i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
