apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
