Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
