hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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