4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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