No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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