Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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