i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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