cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
