Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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