Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My feet surprised me
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