I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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