Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
