That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
