They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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