I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
