who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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