OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
