i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My balls are so social today.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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