Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
