Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
