why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
