Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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