I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
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I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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