I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
