I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
