What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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