You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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