This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
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I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
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Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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