Can Purell be used as lube?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
