Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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