If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
