You're so nebulous sometimes
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
