Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
