Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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