I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
