she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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