He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
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Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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