I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
