I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
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I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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