I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
