i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize