this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Vodka?
Forever.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
