Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
