one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
