Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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