What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
